It is official, I have absolutely no dignity left. I lost majority of it when I got beaten up by that 6′4″ 280 pound “girl” a couple years ago(but that a story for another time).
Let me set the mood so to speak, I was sitting at home…alone…at my computer(big surprise there) anyways, i’m sitting there and I receive an email from my 7 year old cousin. It’s been awhile since I had talked to her, so I thought “hey, I haven’t talked with her in like forever, I bet she wants to tell me about how cool ponies and pixies and barbies are” or whatever the hell 7 year old girls like.
So I open the email and it’s one of those damn screamers. It scared the shit out of me, now normally those things don’t scare me, but I had the lights off, headphones on while reading my “How to be like Chuck” book when I open an email from a what I thought to be a nice normal 7 year old only turned out to be a very unhappy demon child with bad teeth that doesn’t know the meaning of “inside voice”. So of course I fall out of my chair screaming and beginning to cry hysterically until my roommate Chaz rushes in to see whats going on and he says and I quote “dude is their a woman crying in here” then he looks down at me and he can’t hide the laughter because he realizes there is a rather large puddle of yellow liquid surrounding me. So there it is, just another subject that I can talk about with my psychiatrist.
So what does any self-respecting male do when their pride has been thrashed like mine do? Why they create a top 10 list of the ugliest basketball players of all-time…duh.
10. Scottie Pippen
6. Calvin Booth
5. Keith Closs
4. Popeye Jones
2. Tyrone Hill
1. Sam Cassell
Coach- Hubie Brown
Honorable mention: Roberto Duenas
There, I feel slightly better about myself, that is until some mentions how rich most of them are and they are all bigger, stronger and get more poon even though they have big ass ears like Popeye and a distorted face like Gheorghe and an alien face like Cassell and just a plain fucked up face like Tyrone, that’s when I grab that bottle of Jack Daniels and drink till the pain stops.
